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By Andrea Miner-Isaacson, PhD 
In the search for love, many of us worry about wasting our time. A not uncommon story involves going out on a date and knowing within moments whether he or she is "The One." In fact, a young man once told me that if a women wasn't physical with him by the third date it was a lost cause. What is this about? Why are we in such a rush to find love, often making important decisions in a matter of moments.
Part of this push for quick decisions is based on our belief about what love is and how people "fall in love." Many of us believe love is an overwhelming feeling, an irresistible chemistry that sweeps us off our feet. Most of us have proof of this in the form of stories from married friends who state that "I knew I would marry him the first time I saw him."
This conception of love, as an overwhelming chemistry, is rooted in our culture. Consider the movies for a moment. Most Hollywood productions show love as an instant attraction between two people. There is an irresistible pull toward each other. The music swells, fireworks go off . . . you know the scene. This magic is what we, as a culture, believe happens when we find love.
You may think that if this irresistible pull does not happen, you have not found love. You may conclude you have not found your "soul mate" and, of course, you don't want to settle for something less than you deserve. Thus, you reject a possible suitor within minutes of meeting.
Though love sometimes begins in this dramatic fashion, with fireworks erupting, it is important to remember it does not always happen this way. Sometimes love grows slowly as you find yourself feeling increasingly attracted to someone you're dating. Sometimes it sneaks up from behind when you discover that you really love an old friend.
Love can also change over time. The fireworks and chemistry of "falling in love," although exciting, rarely last over long periods of time. For love to grow and last, friendship, caring, compatibility and commitment must replace the fireworks. Many marriages based on chemistry alone fail as that chemistry fades.
The search for compatibility, for shared values, takes time. You will not find out about what type of person you are dating in one or two dates. It can take months. You need time, one thing that many people feel they do not have. The clock seems to be ticking for many of us.
Many of us have very tight and hectic schedules. We don't have time to let things happen slowly. We have only so many hours and so many days and we try to fit in as much as possible. Thus, we rush around, looking and searching for love. We need it, we want it, and we must have it NOW. We fear we will never find it.
Time is such a precious commodity that we don't want to waste a moment of it. This attitude can force you into the mistake of making quick relationship decisions. Why spend time with someone who doesn't excite you? Makes sense, doesn't it? Or does it?
Unfortunately, making quick judgments can often backfire. It can prolong your search for love. Quick decisions can not only have you rejecting good candidates, it also can involve you in dead-end relationships. There is a tendency to ignore signs that the relationship isn't working when you have that chemistry. When you make a quick decision you are basing an important judgment on very little information. You know what they look like and whether you are physically attracted. You know little else.
There is a way out of this loop. You can put yourself in a win-win situation. Think about dating in a new way. Think about dating as a way to meet new people. Have fun and as a bonus, maybe find love. That way each date is an adventure. You can have fun. You'll feel like you're living now instead of just waiting for someone special to come along. About the Author...
Andrea Miner-Isaacson, PhD, is a psychologist and dance/movement therapist in Narberth, Pennsylvania. One of her specialties is in helping people develop satisfying relationships. She co-led "How To Meet People" workshops in the Philadelphia area. Last Update: 10/10/2006
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