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By Martin W. Murphy, LMFT 
The honeymoon always ends. The romantic phase of an intimate relationship eventually wanes and dissipates. The joy and excitement of a new relationship with all its hopes and expectations eventually gives way to the routine of every day life. The euphoria of planning a life together for the newly engaged or married couple with all its dreams of everlasting excitement and love gives way to the reality of the difficulty of life and marriage.
But, the ending of the honeymoon phase is actually a good and necessary phenomenon because it allows the real work of love to begin. The phasing out of the romantic period allows the beginning of the journey and joy toward real intimacy and real love. The casting off of the fantasies and illusions that marital love is self sustaining and automatic is not only good; it is necessary to achieve a long-lasting and nurturing relationship.
The real joy and fulfillment of committed love evolves and grows when the marital couple begins the attitudes and behaviors of real and lasting love. These consciously applied attitudes and behaviors include: self-discipline; thoughtful and emphatic communication; conscious commitment; and, a willingness to endure legitimate suffering for the beloved and the marriage. Marital viability derives from the recognition that loving your partner in the marital relationship is more about what you can do for your beloved than what she or he can do for you.
Among the decisions and behaviors that each person in the marital union must be committed to in order to achieve marital satisfaction, longevity and the great fulfillment of marriage are: daily exhibitions through word and behavior of physical affection; continual willingness to forgive and forget for perceived transgressions; a commitment to continuing growth of one's physical, psychological and spiritual well-being; faithfulness in word and deed to pledges of fidelity; honesty and accountability to obligations of money and financial matters; openness and respect for values of sexuality, including differing viewpoints; and, not least of all, a commitment to ongoing and intentional active listening and communication with each other.
It is vitally important for marital couples to not neglect their marriages or think the relationship will survive well, if at all, if the relationship is allowed to operate on automatic pilot. Marriages, like beautiful gardens and the flowers in them, do well and return lasting joy to the extent that they are nurtured and attended to.
"Love cannot endure indifference. It needs to be wanted.
Like a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil
of another's heart, or its flame burns low." Henry Ward Beecher About the Author...
Martin W. Murphy, J.D., LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Hollywood, Florida, a court certified family mediator and a critical incident stress management (CISM) counselor. He is also an adjunct professor of legal and ethical issues in counseling at St. Thomas University in Miami. Last Update: 11/20/2006
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