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By Martin W. Murphy, J.D., LMFT 
Marital separation and divorce can be a confusing and troubling time in the life of marriages. Families, including children of all ages, can experience emotional anxiety and psychological stress at a time when major changes are happening in their lives. Although, about one-half of all marriages end in divorce this experience in an adult's or child's life does not have to be acrimonious or permanently damaging.
A process and an approach called family mediation can substantially mitigate the anxiety and stress of marital divorce. This collaborative process, under the guidance of a professional mediator, can comprehensively address and resolve the issues that must be settled when a marriage ends. These issues include: the primary residence of minor children; financial support for the children; spousal support or compensation; distribution of assets, including the marital home; responsibility for liabilities; visitation with the children; and, other family and marital matters.
The benefits of family mediation, particularly as compared to the expensive, anxiety-producing and protracted process of litigation, include considerable lower costs, a quicker resolution of settlement issues and a settlement agreement that both parties feel better about because of their direct involvement in the mediation process. Studies have revealed that mediated divorce settlement agreements enjoy a better compliance record than those solely litigated.
One significant consideration in the divorce process is the well being of children. While it is clear that divorce can be troubling for children, research has shown that the most critical determinant of the impact of divorce on children is the willingness and ability of the parents to maintain reasonably harmonious communication pre and post-divorce. The employment of the mediation process can initiate and contribute to the maintenance of that quality of communication.
The mediation process typically involves the parties sitting down with a professional mediator and going through a check-list of items and issues to be resolved and to become part of the settlement agreement. Some mediators try to accomplish this mediation session in a single session, but many prefer to conduct the mediation over a number of sessions, usually not more that three.
The role of the mediator is not to impose judgments or decisions, but to help the parties arrive at settlement details that they both can live with. At all times the mediator is neutral and non-directive. The mediator's skill and the mediation process represent a significant opportunity for the development and enhancement of quality and productive communication even under the difficult circumstances of the dissolution of the marriage.
In summary, family mediators can and do play a vital role in the divorce process, both before and after the dissolution of the marriage, by modeling and encouraging civil and productive communication between the parties. And, this process can be much less expensive and more expedient than the costly process of court litigation. Most of all, mediation can help avoid the emotional and psychological toll that divorce can have on those involved. About the Author...
Martin W. Murphy, J.D., LMFT, is a Florida Supreme Court certified family mediator and licensed marriage and family therapist in Hollywood, Florida. He provides counseling, psychotherapy and divorce mediation services. Last Update: 11/20/2006
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