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By Vicki M. Leopold, LCSW 
Everyone worries. Worrying is a protective response and keeps us safe from potential harm. It has its beginnings in our history and in our genes.
It’s part of our warning system. When the "worrying" takes on a life of its own and stops us from doing and going places that most others are able to, it is excessive and it's called anxiety. Anxiety no longer serves to protect us but in fact, it diminishes our lives. Anxiety disorders occur in children and teens much as they occur in adults.
When our minds perceive an imminent danger, our bodies rush to provide us with sufficient adrenaline to elicit the proverbial "fight or flight" response. We often hear in the news how someone in danger reacted in an incredibly strong and swift way. Recently on television was the story of a Grandma who was babysitting her granddaughter when a robber broke into the home. Her adrenaline rush enabled her to think quickly and take action. She grabbed a gun and fired to protect herself and her granddaughter. Adrenaline gives us a jumpstart to get out of the way of danger or strengthens our mind and body to take on the fight. Sometimes though our mind tricks us into thinking that there is pending harm when
none actually exists. Adrenaline is triggered, our heart rates increase, palms sweat, and we are ready to take action. When this occurs, we call it a "panic attack." Children as well as adults may suffer from panic attacks. The body is ready for action but no real danger exists.
Another form of intense worry is a phobia. A phobia is an extreme and irrational fear about an object or situation. A phobia is usually triggered by some event. In my work with children and anxiety, I treated a 9 year old who was phobic of elevators. In doing a social history, I discovered that at age 2, she ran into an elevator which started to leave before her parents could get on. The fear this generated in this 2 year old was reinforced by the naturally frightened response of her parents. At age 9, she generally had to avoid going anyplace that involved taking an elevator. A few years ago I treated an 8 year old girl who had a phobia regarding thunderstorms. While many children are uncomfortable or even fearful of thunder and lightening, if a storm beckoned, this child was unable to go to school or on trips. During treatment, she was able to verbalize her fear that her home would explode during one of these storms. She worried excessively about storms and would have a meltdown when they occurred.
While working with a family around issues of anxiety and phobias, I will ask who the worriers are in the family. While fears may be learned, research indicates that the potential for anxiety disorders is inherited. Usually there is someone is the family, who either has a diagnosed anxiety disorder or who has the reputation in the family as the one who "always worries."
Another form of anxiety is social anxiety. Adults and children fear embarrassment or humiliation in social settings and thus severely limit their social opportunities. Social anxiety can be very debilitating especially in adolescence when teens avoid social situations which would help them develop friendships, social skills and problem solving .
Children may or may not verbalize their worries. Sometimes they are extremely embarrassed and will not readily share their feelings. However; their worries may cause physical symptoms much. These symptoms may include heart palpitations, shortness of breath, cramps, stomach aches, nightmares and clingy, needy behavior. It is helpful to encourage and accept children’s feelings to enable them to discuss what about the event is causing them so much discomfort.
Anxiety in children and adults often causes an avoidance response. We choose to eliminate from our lives situations that create fear. Avoidance may help in the short run, but actually serves to reinforce anxiety. A child with extreme separation anxiety, may refuse to go to school. Leaving home creates the anxiety, staying home avoids the discomfort. By avoiding the discomfort, the child says to himself "The world can be a very scary place, but look how safe I feel at home. This really works good for me. I am safe and comfortable at home." Being home feels good, going to school feels bad.
Since a common response of anxiety is avoidance, parents are not sure when to hug or when to push their fearful child. Many parents have learned to take over for their child and in effect, aid their child in avoiding that which is causing the fear. The goal in treating anxiety is to neutralize the fear by challenging distorted ideas and encouraging and supporting each step towards approach and mastery of the fear. Reminding the child of their past successes can serve to boast their confidence. With the child referred to above who believed her house would explode during a storm, I inquired, "I guess this must have occurred frequently to your home for you to be so afraid." Predictably her response was that her home had never exploded. I continued, "then for certain it must have happened to friends and family." She responded negatively. I continued again and asked if she would mind sharing with me the names of who then this had happened to so I could write them down as a way for me to understand her fear. She didn’t know anyone whose home had exploded as a result of a lightening storm. Gradually, I challenged her beliefs underlying her fears, while I also worked with her on relaxation techniques, desensitization and alternative responses. Eventually, she was able to tolerate storms and not restrict her mobility when weather threatened.
Managing worries and helping your child develop ways of coping and adapting is much the same no matter what form the anxiety takes. Many anxious children will avoid things they fear and as a result never learn that what they fear probably won’t happen. Since children model their parents, sharing with them how you approach what makes you worry and how this is the best but not the easiest approach is a good place to begin. Sometimes, professional help and or medication is needed. Eleanor Roosevelt stated simply, "Do what you cannot." Good, sound advice. About the Author...
Vicki M. Leopold is a psychotherapist specializing in mood and anxiety disorders in
Peachtree City/Fayetteville, Georgia. Last Update: 2/3/2009
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