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By Stephen L Salter, Psy. D. 
The culture of positivity, as I’m defining it, is the widespread
social practice of eliminating any attitude and utterance that doesn’t have an
uplifting effect on one’s mood and those around them. Such a practice is no longer helpful when we
notice its underside: the unwitting
oppression of trauma victims. The voices
of the wounded, mistreated, and disenfranchised are essential not only to our personal
well being, but also to the community as a whole.
The pressure to think positive pervades our everyday
language and practices: It’s the
reflexive response, "Put on a happy face,” if we are not smiling. "Think cheerful thoughts and good things will
happen.” We feel pressure to display a
pleasant countenance even if it is insincere. And we often feel guilty if we’re not quite able to don that cloak. The underlying belief, it seems, is that hurt and discontent can be done
away with simply by acting as though it isn’t there.
By and large, the enforcers of positive thinking have one’s
best interest in mind. However, their
prescription subtly, if not unnoticeably, silences the voices that are hurting
the most. The most devastating traumatic
experiences—rape, assault, the loss of a loved one, are glossed over and
dismissed. The phenomenon can be stated
as a particular philosophy of psychology: one can "get over” anything simply by willing to do so. It follows that extreme positive thinkers
tend to advise against "whining” or grievances, because they don’t believe it
is helpful. Possibly, such distaste may
be rooted in an inability to tolerate another’s emotional pain. What comes across is a lack of empathy and
compassion.
The consequences of dismissing an individual’s trauma,
particularly in the case of victimization, are formidable for the individual as
well as the community. There is
something sacred about the recognition of a victim’s hurt, anger, or
bitterness. There is an embedded
question about morality—the distinction between right and wrong. Recognition of a crime reminds us of the law,
whether legal or moral. Where silence implies
that everything is okay, recognition preserves the political, emotional, and
moral weight of a transgression or devastating event.
Indeed, anything sacred has the potential for
sacrilege. It must be noted that many
lives have been destroyed by the false claims of people pretending to be
victims. The claim of being a victim can
be misused, exploited, and exaggerated. Unfortunately,
false and embellished claims detract from the credibility of the genuine ones. It adds to the common misrecognition of true
victims. Unfortunately, being identified
as a "victim” carries with it a terrible stigma. True victims are often misrecognized as misguided, weak, histrionic, ignoble,
childish, and worst of all, to be blamed. Genuine victims may become the target of callousness and mockery by even
"friends” and family.
The culture of positivity calls for easy solutions but not
true understanding. Often psychotherapy
patients feel shame if their treatment isn’t moving at a ridiculously fast pace. Family members may offer an insensitive
nudge, "So how much longer is this gonna take?,” (i.e., Can’t we put this
behind us already!).
The culture of positivity begs the question, "Is moving on a
simple matter of choice?” Can we really
move on from a traumatic devastation just because we make a decision to do so. Or are those who claim to transcend great
wounds by their will alone deceiving themselves? In my clinical experience, I’ve found there is a place for will in the
process of moving forward, but it is only one part of the picture.
For those who reject the fantasy of transcendence via
Herculean will, there is a general acceptance that a person needs to "work
through” trauma. Usually, it is clear
that therapy is necessary. But what isn’t
so clear id exactly what "working through” might mean. Understanding how to move passed trauma
requires knowing how it is held by and influences a person. From an external or superficial perspective,
it may appear as though an individual chooses to "dwell” on a negative
experience. In fact, traumatized
individuals deeply long to be heard, but are too often screaming to deaf ears. When one is listening—when one can hold the great
injustice of trauma experienced by another, they affirm that the trauma shall
not go overlooked. Then the wounded may begin
to experience relief.
About the Author...
Dr. Stephen L Salter holds a private practice in Beverly Hills.
310.601.0774 Last Update: 4/17/2013
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