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By Cynthia M. Reynolds, LMSW, BCD 
December 14, 2012 started out like any other day at the office, until the phone rang. "Cynthia the news is on the phone and they want to talk to you about the shooting." My immediate thought was that they were calling about the recent shooting at the mall in Oregon less than a week ago. "No, not the mall shooting. There was a shooting today in Connecticut and several children were killed." My initial reaction was pain and gut wrenching heartache for the victims, their parents and our country. I grabbed the phone and confirmed with the reporter that I would be there to be interviewed at 5:00pm. They wanted a therapist to give some tips for parents on how to cope with their stress and how to help their children process their feelings. "We just need 3-6 bullet points to share with the audience, can you do that?" Can I do it? Yes I can do it, but why?
Why, is the question that everyone is asking regarding the recent violent acts committed by young people in our country. Why children? Why today? Why at a school? Why? Why? Why? What should I share with parents that will make sense and help ease their anxiety and pain. We may never really know what goes through the minds of people who commit such heinous crimes, but we do have the power to manage the thoughts that enter our mind after a traumatic event. My tips were simple and easy to follow:
Three tips to help parents cope with trauma
- Anxiety and fear are normal and valid feelings, so allow yourself to feel them, but don't let them take over.
- Resist feeling like you need to have all the answers.
- Take care of yourself: Talk over your concerns with other adults, limit your media exposure, get enough rest and try not to worry.
Three tips for parents to help their children cope with trauma
- Reassure your children that they are safe. Safety is the number one concern for children of all ages after a traumatic event.
- Limit their media exposure, and unsolicited conversation about the event.
- Let them know that you are there to support them, and if you are unable to help you will find someone who can. Reassure them that you are willing to go with them if necessary.
Parents have a responsibility to protect their children, and most of the time we are able to succeed at it. Unfortunately we may not be able to protect them from themselves.Therapists have a responsibility to help those who are hurting process their feelings, and provide support. I can't help but wonder if the shooters ever sought help, and if so what could have been done differently to prevent these crimes. As I see it, we didn't lose 20 children on December 14, 2012. We lost 21. Both the shooter at the mall and the shooter at Sandy Hook were under 25 years old, 24 and 20 respectively. Yes they were adults and yes they committed horrible crimes, but why?
What can we do as a community to help our children cope with stress before they reach the point of no return? I don't believe that either shooter became the person that they were on that day. I believe that anger, despair and negative thoughts have been brewing for a very long time. I am hoping, praying and waiting to receive another phone call from the news, but this time I hope it is not to give my opinion on Sandy Hook or another incident like it. My hope is that this call will be about reinstating mental health funding and prioritizing the health care of children. I hope that they want to talk about how to help parents navigate through the mental health system to get their children early intervention and ongoing care. Let's talk about supporting and advocating for more School Social Workers, Psychologists and Counselors. That's the phone call I'm hoping for.
Call me, you have my number, I'm waiting... About the Author...
Cynthia M. Reynolds, LMSW, BCD is the Executive Director of First Family Counseling. First Family Counseling is a consulting, counseling and training agency. Mrs. Reynolds has several years of experience working in mental health, school social work, substance abuse and other areas of the human services. She specializes in treating children, adolescents and families. She has testified in federal court as an expert witness on PTSD, and she was recently interviewed as an expert on child trauma regarding the Sandy Hook shooting. Last Update: 2/16/2013
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