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By Maxine Sushelsky, LMHC 
Transitions challenge us on all levels—physical, mental, emotional, interpersonal, and spiritual. You might feel physically fatigued, unusually energized, or alternating between these two states. Your thoughts may be in overdrive, or you might feel mentally stalled. A myriad of feelings are likely to surface, including depression, sadness, loss, disappointment, fear, anxiety, anger, excitement, and hope. You might feel different around various people in your life; you might notice people treating you differently. You might want or expect different things from your relationships than in the past. On a spiritual level, you might find yourself questioning or changing your religious or spiritual beliefs.
I’d like to provide some tools for taking care of yourself from a mental health perspective. These tools can help you maintain or improve your mental health when going through any transition. For example, a relationship change, which might include death or some other shift in your relationship with a friend, family member or co-worker. Or, a job or career loss, start or change. Perhaps you are beginning college, transferring to a new college, or graduating from college. Perhaps you are going through a life-stage transition, such as entering young adulthood or midlife.
Focus on what you find helpful and intriguing. Experiment with those tools that feel foreign to you. Modify the tools to suit your preferences. I think you’ll find they are interrelated and support each other and, most important,
you.
1. Ground Yourself
When you are experiencing change, it’s helpful to have something you can focus on that is constant, comforting and meaningful to you.
Choose an image that provides you with hope, comfort, and meaning. An image can be anything you do or call up in your mind when you need it, at a moment’s notice. For example: a physical position or movement, such as putting your feet flat on the ground, or putting your hand on your heart; a visual image, such as a place you love, a person, or a symbol; a word or phrase that is calming to you. Call up this image, even for a minute, when you’re feeling anxious, sad, self-doubtful or any of the other feelings that tend to surface during uncertain times.
2. Be Patient with Yourself
Remember that no matter how swift the external change, internally, change is a process. What might happen in an instant can take months or years to understand and integrate emotionally. As part of this process, you will likely find yourself experiencing different moods and feelings, some might be enjoyable, some not. Keep in mind that your moods and feelings, too, will flow and change. Difficult memories might surface, and so will your vulnerabilities. And so will your strengths, if you let them.
3. Make Time for Yourself
Make time every day for yourself, whether it’s five minutes or a few hours. Do something that makes you feel peaceful, centered and grounded. For example: walk or sit in a nature setting; read something that inspires you, such as a biography, page-a-day, or spiritual reading; meditate; journal; draw; take yourself out, or in, for coffee or tea.
You will probably have to set boundaries with people and commitments in your life in order to make this time for yourself, and to prevent interruptions. This can be quite a challenge, but it is one that is crucial and worth cultivating, both for your transition and for your life.
4. Trust Yourself, or Learn to Trust Yourself
Early experiences and aspects of our culture often teach people to look to other people, achievements and material success for validation and a sense of self. Transitions are an opportunity to learn to trust yourself—that quiet voice within you that knows what’s best for you, but that you might have difficulty listening to because there are so many other competing voices and opinions about who you are and what you should do.
The other tools described here are designed to help you make use of a transition to enhance your ability to trust yourself, and to shape your life from the inside out, to every extent possible.
5. Find Someone to Talk to
Find someone to talk to about your transition, preferably someone who isn’t involved in your life, such as a therapist or coach. Someone who will encourage you and help you listen to your own voice, and who will not impose their opinions or agenda on you, someone who will help you learn to trust yourself. Someone who will challenge you in a way that feels safe and comfortable, but not too comfortable.
While you want to stay in touch with people you care about, you need to consider whether they are the best people to talk with about some aspects of your transition. Understandably, the changes you are going through might impact your partner’s, family member’s, friend’s or co-worker’s own situations, fears or disappointments. Any changes you’re considering or going through might feel threatening because they might fear losing you or their relationship with you in its current form. A therapist or coach can help you find a way to maintain your important relationships while also giving yourself space to work on what’s changing in your life. About the Author...
Maxine Sushelsky is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor providing individual and group psychotherapy services in Arlington, MA. She works with people experiencing grief and loss; as well as transitions in a relationship, career, education, or life stage such as early adulthood or midlife. She works with late adolescents, adults, college and graduate students, and legal professionals. Her website is www.transitionstherapist.com Last Update: 8/3/2009
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